• Enter their world. Be curious about their interests in music, sports, movies, etc.   Let them educate you, even if you find their choices a bit offensive.
• Get to know their friends and remember just because someone has blue hair and an earring - it doesn't make them an ax-murderer. (Remember Eddie Haskell from Leave it to Beaver.)
• Be sure you have their attention.  Don't try to talk to them on the run.  Catch them when they're captive in the car, having a late night snack, etc.
• Start conversations on a positive note.  Use a compliment such as, "You know I really enjoy your sense of humor, you're a neat kid."
• Match their moves.   If they're really down about something or excited, get into it with them. 
• Ask questions which promote discussion, such as, "How did you feel about your friend getting suspended from school for making out in the hallway?"
• Tell stories about yourself.  Share some embarrassing moments relevant to their experience.
• Make sure your conversations are give and take.  That is, your teenager should talk roughly as much as you do.  A one-sided parental lecture is not a good conversation.
• Remind them that you care about them even when they have made a mistake. 
• Try to spend at least ten minutes a day in active conversation.

Adapted from Neil Bernstein's "How to Keep Your Teenagers Out of Trouble and What to Do if You Can't" (Workman Publishing, 2001)

• Know that they want to hear from you!  Teens say their parents have the greatest influence on their sexual decision making; more than friends, teachers and the media.
• Let your teen know that you like her.  They all believe that their parents love them out of obligation, but she will open up to you more if she knows that you like who she is as a person.
• Talk less, listen more.  Don't know how to start conversations?  Ask questions about his friends.  Let him know that you're genuinely interested and then listen when he responds.  Eventually move toward asking questions about this own feelings about a variety of issues.  And listen when he answers.
• Don't use every conversation to "teach" or "prove" a point.  Sometimes it's important to simply hear him out.
• Make eye contact frequently.  This lets her know that you are really listening.
• Sit down when you need to have a heart to heart.  There's nothing more inviting to a teen (or anyone else) than to see a loved one taking the time to sit and listen.
• Don't interrupt.  You don't like to be interrupted, neither does he. 
• Establish early on in the conversation that you are on her team.  You are not the enemy.  This bears frequent repeating throughout the teen years.
• Be honest about how you feel about your child being sexually active.  If you feel your child should wait, tell you child so in a positive, compassionate way.  Let your child know that it's tough, but that you believe in his ability to have self-control.
• Don't be anything other than who you are.  Teens hate dishonesty and when adults try to act like kids, they shut down.  They won't trust you.  So, if you're not cool, don't try to act like you are.  Then, your teen will really listen.
• Prep yourself.  When it's time for tough conversations, about sex, drinking, drugs, etc., have a conversation with yourself first, to get a few things straight.  First, remind yourself of the reality that she really wants to hear what you have to say and furthermore, she needs to know how you feel.  Believe it or not, teens really do want their parent's input!
• Don't always disagree.  Find common ground in your conversation.  Whenever possible,  tell him that he had a great idea!  Compliment him on thinking of  a terrific plan, or what he thought about a movie.  This will make him want to talk with you later.

Adapted from Meg Meeker's "Epidemic: Raising Great Teens in a Toxic Sexual Culture" (LifeLine Press 2004)